| Subject: |
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Re: Naked in NY |
| Name: |
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M. D. Friedman |
| Date Posted: |
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Mar 6, 03 - 9:21 AM |
| Email: |
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poetscoop@earthlink.net |
| Message: |
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Hi Irma,
I like this piece very much. Nice play between characters & repeat in last line. Sensuous descriptions on a canvas of hesitation. I love it! Even though I found it intriguing, I did get a little lost with:
"the heart of a shape
internalizes
reserved spontaneity"
This line sticks out as a little abstract in an otherwise very grounded piece. Nicely done. Thanks for sharing your challenge.
M.D.
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Replying to: Naked in NY
Rain falls from the lip of
the concrete castle
Like mercury
Dripping
Beading
before slowly
soaking the soft
Black suede
Bleeding
Bluing
the shoulders of
his white t-shirt
clinging to his clavical
his gray eye meets her
she greets, a quick smile,
an everlasting moment
a split second of her light
soaked, she glows still
trotting to the F train
ringlets run in waves against her cheek
under her periwinkle hat
more inspirational than the sky
would he recognize her
dressed as a man
or a deity?
acting out
without
hesitation
wearing flame licked platform boots
The perfect plan concocted
He steps onto the train
If she could leave his mind
She would be safe
it's not the same if he has to
ask for it
the heart of a shape
internalizes
reserved spontaneity
deduce the injury
by the size
of the bruise
Would be first day, but isn't
because she's uninvolved
fair-weathered friends
aren't worth the energy
She has no
time to be un-real
it's not the same
because she didn't ask for it.
Irma Jackson
2-03
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