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Poets' Coop's E-Group Forum: A Virtual Writers' Group

Need some feedback on a work in progress? Try the Poets' Coop's e-Group. Cut & paste your poem into this free "electronic bulletin board" for others to critique. To get your own creative juices flowing, maybe you just need to reflect on another's poem or to give our monthly Poetic Challenge a try. Come give some constructive criticism. Check back often to see what the others have to say or check the box to get an email whenever someone has commented.

Poets' Coop's E-Group Forum: A Virtual Writers' Group
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Re: Need someone to take a look at my new work please!

Sarah,
This work has much to be proud of:
Nice use of repeating
Builds nicely.
Some great lines expressing universal emotions
"When betrayal bitters each kiss" is my fav

Thnx for posting
~MD

Re: Need someone to take a look at my new work please!

Sarah
By now, these feelings are probably less intense, but no less hard earned. My suggestion is to take a few of the " Whens"out to the response lines, and make it more tight, like the taut throat clenching painful feelings it evokes. Otherwise this poem has a lot to say, and says it well!