Hi everyone....I am doing well, on track these days with healthy eating and my exercise plan. Still in recovery from a series of relapses, but hanging in there. Lots of stress at home (aging parents) and work and worried that I might use the 'excuse' of two upcoming eating challenges to get off track again and repeat old destructive patterns. One challenge is a work related luncheon (home made foods) and the other is a Mother's Day elaborate brunch....I am struggling with how to find some healthy balance so that I can enjoy the foods but have the emphasis be on the people and the occasions, and so that I can balance eating for health with eating for pleasure so I don't end up feeling deprived and having my efforts backfire. Would be so grateful for any help, support, or ideas you all might have. Thanks so much, Maajida

Maajida,

If you read my last reply about the Oatmeal cookies, you will know that I am probably the last one to give you such advice.

But I have also had great 'luck' with NOT binging during the most recent stressful time with my aging mom's heart attack.

Some of the things I can tell you 'worked' for me are the following:

1. I made a different comittment to myself and only to myself, in January regarding my health, not wt.
2. I had a talk with myself the moment I drove 2 hrs to see my mom in ER the first time that I would not binge this time.
3. I ate LARGE amounts of healthy core type fiber in the AM with a banana and tea to FILL me up which kept me from getting hungry. Many times I was too full to really enjoy my lunch or dinner, or shall I say too full to want it.
4. The second I tried to eat a Quaker cookie or other more processed goodies I felt the "old destructive habits' creep up.
5. Fortunately I had another talk with myself to STOP in the middle of it (the quaker cookie binge) and that talk for some reason 'worked', unlike other talks in the past.
6. I examined the difference in the talks. I found this talk was a bit different. I think BECK's has a hold on me cause I told myself I was going to have a talk and if I still wanted another cookie I could have it, but I had to talk and listen first. (If any one was around they would have thought I was 'schizo'). Actually the talk was all going on in my head.

Old talk: You stupid idiot! What makes you think you will be able to stick to your diet, this time any better than before? Just go and eat what you want and then go back on your diet tomorrow. Go ahead you deserve it! Besides its only one day!

Action: I went to what ever function, ate what I wanted and then prompty stopped my diet the next day or found it hard to get back up on the horse, struggled for a day, two days or weeks or months only to give up for a few years, then gain back what ever I had lost and then some each time.


This time? My NEW talk (when my mom got sick):
You are doing great! Keep up the good work? Rome was not build in a day, you did not gain this wt in a day, it will take time and you will have some ups and downs. But its okay you will sustain, you will make it to the other side. Do this for life. Expect the unexpected in yourself this time!

Action: I did not binge during this stressful time regarding my mom. I prepared myself to accept mom's end is near and she has lived a long beautiful life and I am happy to call her my mom. I can not be angry with that or GOD over it ,I may get lonely for her but I will substitute my sister's company. I did not allow myself to get too tired or too hungry. I planned my meals more than usual. I made sure I got sleep.


I had a talk during my recent oatmeal cookie binging! It went like this: In a kind soft inner voice:
What the heck are you doing? Why are you doing this? Are you hungry (No!), are you angry (No!), are you lonely (No!), are you tired (No!).So what ARE you doing and why are you doing it? (I don't know I think it is habit I just don't know what else to do, its what I have always done). Stop! Ask yourself if it is worth it? Is it worth undoing what you have done for this taste right now! (NO!). Okay you CAN eat that cookie now if you want it!


Action: I stopped, looked at the box and wrappers, threw them away. Took a deep breath and said I start again fresh right now, yet I continue where I left off in lost pounds. I really don't need this cookie for comfort or for hungar. I immediately went to this site and posted where ever I could. Told my hubby to take the rest cookies to his job in am.

This is an unexpected act...for me to stop before all the cookies are gone. My husband had an unexpected look on his face.

Well that is my account of what happened. I don't know exactly why this time is different except I have had two health waked up calls almost 2 yrs apart. May be that did it!The last one was in December 2006. But this time it felt different. In OA (or any 12 step program) we say we hit bottom! I guess I never really hit bottom before.

I am not dilusional! I know that I may binge again. But the next time I have THIS success of stopping in the middle of it to say to myself: Your new habit is to stop before it gets out of control. YOu have done it berfore you can do it now! So stop now!
And hopefully with each binge it will get less and less out of control and hopefully to the point that I do not binge.

I am hoping that someone who is at goal can tell me if they still binge from time to time and if and how it is different, or if they no longer binge. How they stopped: cold turkey or a process.

I am looking forward to such events in my life as a new adventure to see how I deal with the situation differently and how will I react differently than in the past. But I am looking forward,not backward on old behavor or habits, trying to change and break that cycle.

I had a best friend who had a husband who beat her. I asked her why she kept going back to him, she said she did not know what else to do, it is comfortable ( a habit).

How is it that I have no understanding of that, but I seem to tolerate why I would continue to binge, get fat, loose wt, binge, get fat, loose wt. Am I not beating myself up?

I am not in touch with her any more. Fortunately for her he died in a car accident. I heard she is with a wonderful man now. Some say she had someting to do with that accident. I hope not. And further I don't think nor believe so.

I am hoping that my old habits die. But wishing and hoping is not action. I may have to kill them myself.


Love ya
JeanCat

Plan ahead.

Chose Wisely.

Save all Your points for those occasions.( eat light before You get there)


Drink lots of water.

Dont waste calories.

Dearest Maajida,

I wittled down my long response and am posting here the steps that I took in a third person manner. I hope it may help you out. I think much has to do with a positive mental and spiritual attitude and much PREPARATION.

Maajida,

Here is a translation for you of what may help you!


1. Make a commitment to yourself regarding your health, not your wt.
2. Have a good positive self-talk. What would you say to a good dear old friend who is in this same situation! Treat yourself like you would treat him or her.
3. Eat a LARGE amount of healthy fiber in the AM with a banana and hot beverage. A bran muffin from TJ's or oatmeal.
4. Have another talk before you enter the party, while driving to. Tell yourself that you have a strong commitment. Rehearse, Rehearse Rehearse. Do a mental picture of what you will be doing and seeing yourself avoid any destructive habits and not repeating history.
5. Take an ACTION that is different and unexpected than the negative old habit or action. ALLOW yourself to take a positive action. Meantally Rehearse this as well.
6. In your talk:Pat yourself on the back for any previous accomplishment, no matter how small and remind yourself of them.
7. Afterword:Reward yourself with a non-food item with a job well done. Beck's book?
8. Recall HALT: Get a good night sleep,Eat first: do not go too hungry, keep company during the party; avoid feeling lonely or different and do not allow yourself to get angry even with yourself for any reason.
9.The above is a way to kill the old habit or stop the cycle. I hope that this method will work for you. If not tailor it so that it can.
10 If you try the above or your own prescription, but are not successful, forgive yourself…. But move on ... and get back on program.

Please let us know what strategy you use and what worked for you, as I know with all your experience and previous successes you will do well. I have faith in you!

Love JeanCat

Dear Maajida,

I wanted to add that with the homemade foods that you may want/need to eat just half due to higher fat content.
Place more salad or fruit or veggies on your plate if they are available.
Can you bring a WW friendly dish? A casserole of sorts?

I would do the above in addition to the 'prep talks and mental rehearsing'. Most of all be your bestfriend.

Love JeanCat

Oh my goodness, Jeancat, I am overwhelmed with your generousity and caring and the wealth of information and wise experience you have so kindly shared with me. Jeancat, thankyou from the bottom of my heart for the way you wrote and the time you took to respond. Believe me, I will carry your wise perspective in my heart and in my experience as I meet my challenges headon! Akus, I alway love to read your responses to the various posts here, and I am so grateful for your wise words too. Jeancat, I am in N. Calif. too. What an incredible group of people at this site....I can't believe that I found it just by chance just because I have a daughter by the same name and spelling as Aimee. Sincerely, Maajida

Maaj
Take a blank journel with you, keep it in your pocket, and anything you put in your mouth, write it down, that will stop you from the temptation..

When we stuff ourselves blindly, at least if you visiblly see it, you won't overdo it...

Keep it simple. and have fun, life is tooo short....

Maajida- thanks so much for spilling your guts and and asking for help. I'll pray for you that you will be able to follow some of Jeancat's excellent advice during your upcoming challenges. I'm printing it out and taking it to Mexico with me in case my resolve wavers.
Hang in there.You are worth the effort!
LouAnne

Dear Maajida,


Sorry for not getting back to you earlier. I was actually not on the site yesterday it was very busy.

Thank you for your generous reply and displayed appreciation. I do hope something that I wrote will work for you.

I am much better at planning to attend something than I am when something hits me allof a sudden liek the Aunt Beasley's Basket of goodies at work on Thursday night.

But I resolve to use the method I outlined over and over again when ever I can. I forgive myself whenever and as soon as I can.

When I think about the fact that I have not binged during my mom's health crisis and I have only eaten the Mrs Beasleys stuff as the only NON-Program food for me foods, since I have been on this site (3/07) and since my comittment to WW Flex since Jan 2, 07 I think it has been working well and I am very ecstatic. What a change for me!

I need to apply this SAME advice and method to 'on the spot changes and temptations' and need to apply this to exercise and to all or many other areas of my life and program.

I also admit freely that KNOWING is not DOING, it is NOT ACTION. So I may know it in my head, but I have to DO IT. No wonder Nike has that wonderful slogan!

Thank you Maajida for reminding me that while I could help you, you and others can help me!

Love
JeanCat

WOWLouAnne! Please let us know how it works for you.
Perhaps you and Maajida may tailor it and alter it to suit your needs. Let us know.
I am honored!:)

JeanCat