DH and I had a TERRIBLE fight yesterday. Probably one of the worst ever. Now, divorce is never even a possibility and that is not an issue. WE made up, so to speak, and by last night I felt better about things. This morning I woke up feeling so depressed and sad about it that I could barely function. DH seemed okay. So it got me wondering, if you have an argument with someone, do you bounce right back, or do you feel affected by it for awhile? This isn't typical of me. Ususally I can get over things, but I feel so empty right now.

Uki

Uki,

Boy, do I know how you're feeling! Some "things" are more than just spats and will take a little extra time to get over. It's perfectly normal for you to feel depressed after a "big one." If your husband is acting normal, then everything will be ok. Sometimes they have the ability to get over things more quickly than us women can. We tend to carry our emotions a little more on our sleeve. It will get better.

I agree with Carrie. But I feel for you because if my DH and I argue at night then he has work in the morning, I sit all day feeling depressed and it's hard to function like usual. I dwell on it more and he moves forward more quickly. Try and put a smile on and call him at work and tell him you love him. Even if you're still upset it helps to say it.

Thank you both! Actually, DH called me this morning and we talked for a few minutes. He definitely has moved past it all and told me not to feel badly about anything. He understood that it was taking me a little longer to get over things, so we agreed to celebrate valentine's day tomorrow instead of today. I just felt too sad to write out his card and didn't feel much like celebrating. I am sure things will look better tomorrow.

Hugs,
Uki

I had a major major blow up with dh on Thanksgiving after I found out something about what he was doing that I had no idea. I dont think truthfully I will ever get over it but on some level I have to or get divorced. I chose to stay op with ww which for me was the biggest nsv I ever had and get on with my life and be happy. In the 17 years weve been together I have never thought this would be one of my problems. Right now I take every day as it come and dh is on probation. I think we'll probably make it unless I catch his with anything else. To get divorced when most things are ok and great is hard and my kids having a dad at home is more important right now.
The answer is no I cant get over this argument but if it was over something much smaller I could. I'm generally a happy person who wont let anyone spoil my day.

To Lorraine:

Make sure you don't hold onto the information inside you for so long allowing the frustration, disappointment, or anger (whichever or all of the above) to build. Of course I don't know the situation but there was something when my husband and I first got married that took me about 5 years to get over. A counselor was helpful with letting it go for me. There is change on their part but eventually also on ours too.

Don't know if that's helpful at all. Keep your chin up and remember, it's okay to let it out and have a good cry about it sometimes.

I sure know that way of life. Me and dh argue more often than not. I always feel like I was the one to blame and I usually eat over it. I don't have close enough girl friends to talk to about it. DH also acts like nothing fazes him. Take care, and know you are not alone.

The problems within the marriage were the root problem with me getting big I think. Dh lost his job and I became the main bread winner and wife and mother and no matter what I say I do most of everything. If I was a outsider looking at my life I would say get divorced but on many other levels things are good. He did support me for 6 years when kids were babies and I stayed home. Because I was annoyed with him we got distant and things were not good. We re commited to each other and since Thanksgiving things have been good.
The good thing over all this is I stayed on track and dident lose my mind. I consider that amazing. 23 years ago I got divorced and I was in a funk for 2 years..never again life is too short.

Thank you all again. It is so good to know I am not alone. This fight was not a major issue, it was just a really sensitive area that I have trouble facing and the best I can explain it is that this is like a sore in my soul that is slowly healing and from time to time something rips open the wound and this last fight ripped it open and rubbed salt in it and it just stings something awful.

I am comforted that so many women struggle with the same feelings that I do and that we really do sometimes need more time to get over things. Time really does heal.

Uki