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CLAMS Multiple Sclerosis BB

Welcome to the CLAMS MS BB hosted by JoAnne of the CLAMS organization. Please post often. JoAnne will monitor this BB on a daily basis. Thank You

CLAMS Multiple Sclerosis BB
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My mother has MS. She has always done everything for everyone. She has done without so that others could have. She is the most loving, caring, generous person I've ever known. My dad has always been very controlling and had issues with yelling. He has been extremely insensitive to her feelings over the years. He's always belittling her. I have battled my sister and him for years to just quit fighting for control and accept Mom's MS and accommodate her needs and get her any treatment that might give hope. They say she's lazy. They have pressured her to move when she has been so fatigued. They have refused to get her a wheelchair. Dad spends money on everything, including himself and his travels, but cannot justify the expenses to make their home where it is accessible to her and to provide a caregiver. He is so headstrong that she needs therapy to get stronger. She is 73 now and they would never allow me to get her MS treatment. There was always some excuse. Namely, they questioned whether she really had it. With treatment, it would not be so advanced today. I'm trying not to focus on the past, but they're refusing to open their minds to what she needs. Although she has had repeated falls, where she cannot get up, and is too confused to be able to dial a phone for help. She is in skilled care right now. She is doing better than before her hospitilization on the 12th of January. Dad tells her she has to be able to take care of herself before she can come home. Dad just wants her to walk, but does not consider her safety. She is so oppressed after all these years that she usually just agrees with Dad; however, I've noticed she'll agree with me too. She agrees to avoid conflict, which agitates her. The neurologist says he will not give her the only available treatment option unless Dad wants it. He just sees this as a family feud. Isn't there a doctor that will be a patient advocate? Can't they pick up on this and clearly define the best interests of the patient?
I'm afraid she will go back home to neglect. She has been unable to adequately bathe herself for some time. And he leaves her home alone. Do I have to sit back and let this happen? What can I do to help my mother get the care she deserves?


Oh My,I feel so bad for your mom, I am 42 and have had ms for the past 3 years.She should be on medicine or something, and your dad needs help, why would the doctor go by what your dad said, your mom is the patient not him. You may be the only one to help her, I hope that when I get older and sicker that my only daughter takes better care of me than that.. Being old is hard enough but having MS on top of that is really bad, and just because you have MS doesn't mean you can't get anything else, like cancer, high blood pressure, ect. Your mom needs help, stress is the worst thing for her and it sounds like she may be a little stressed out dont you think.. Get her the proper care that she needs, you wouldn't want someone to treat you like that when you get olderly????? Would you!!!!..she took care of you when you were little..maybe it's your turn...