Hey ya'll, Cletus here....I wanted to give you all there some my words of wisdom 'fore dem supafan details get aired out. Big week of tossin that there pigskin around and chasing eachother down like my dog chasing a chicken with one dem scooby snacks tied to it's clucker. first of ya'll don't leave home without them wallets now, gas is at war with itself now boys, I remember it was just as easy to get gas back in the day the same me eatin 5 cans of dem baked beans with the talking golden retriever. Now what 'ole cletus would like to see is all teams invest in them damn scooters. Now thats what you call having team time and being free on the road and having a good ole time together before yall strap em on. Not like in those dirty movies ya sickos. Heck, we all wanted to drive our mowers to a game one time, darned if it didn't get shot down tho. I done waxed and polished my wheels and slick 50'ed that sucker. 'ole cletus was a little upset over that. Now you all go out there and play that game, chances are one my hogs ass is the football your playing with! Speaking of Hogs, you all make sure you waller in the dirt and grass real good and slap them big 'ole bellys against your counterparts. No tootin on your QB's hands though, I seen jungle rot happen to guy like that once. You linebackers act big mean like you usually do, shoot...you fella's ain't meaner than the feather I tickle my...save that for later. Recievers, you all spraying your gloves with that ticky icky tackum gluey business and dressin all pretty, making sure your belts straight and tuckin yur shirts in every 4 seconds, I knows how you does. Go up and snatch the pigskin and lay a thumpin on a one dem defensive backs. You defensive backs get in the darndest stances I ever saw, crouch down with your arms hangin looking like my wife after the last darn dairy queen blizzard. You QB's out there or what I like to call the Princess of the woods boys, darned if there aint a wind blowing you got your helmet off feathering your hair in the wind with a pose that would out shine david hasselhoff. You boys just sling that skin or give it to the them dancin dummies, those boys that don't know whether to spin, tuck and roll or jump over someone, these runningbacks these days look like they try to be one dem guys my boys play with on them video games. bout to get tackled by 5 guys, press that x button a lil R1 button next thing you know he in the endzone pulling a rabbit outta his you know what. Ya'll just get that pig and lay some timber on a hillbilly now. Keep your alls eyes out for Hoss this week now, bubba at the store told me he seen him out the barn in kendaltucky sacrificing marvin's old turkey. Said that thang sounded like a donkey drowin'n in water. Ya'll play respectful now...shake your enemy's hand when your done and go out and drink one for the boys over in the desert. cletus!
Was anyone able to read the whole thing till the end?
This smells like Tyler Anglin to me. Time to get back on the meds, man. Save the incoherent rambling for the refs this weekend. Especially "Big Dan"- he needs an earful of this kind of slop.